Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
