you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
