Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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