Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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