I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
