i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
