we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
