That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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