Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
