i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
