I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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