He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
