I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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