The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
