you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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