this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I understand Curling. That high.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
