My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
