a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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