EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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