maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize