I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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