If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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