Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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