sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
