Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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