i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
