Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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