I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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