Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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