ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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