think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
