Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
