Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Drunk is not a location!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
