dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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