I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
