the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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