She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
