Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
