you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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