We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
