where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
