wakey wakey hands off snakey
smell my finger.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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