I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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