My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
