I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
