too bad you live with your parents still
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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