i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
