please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize