I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
