M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
