Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
