there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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