how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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