I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize