We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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