i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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