Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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