I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the condom got lost in my hair
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
