lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I checked into jail on foursquare
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
