I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
