she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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