I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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