Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
