It's Friday. Sex?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
