Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
