what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
