I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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