apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
