I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
