I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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