Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
