I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
should my penis look like a turkey
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
