All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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