I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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