I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
