I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
