I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
