I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
