i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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