apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize