Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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