He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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