I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
