I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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