Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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