this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
