i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
