i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
