Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
