I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize