if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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